Well, Ridley Scott said, “Prepare to be entertained.” Unfortunately, I wasn’t. Instead, I spent 2.5 hours watching Gladiator II wrestle between trying to honor the GOAT original and embracing campy absurdity. It lands squarely in the TEMU knockoff category—a budget version of its iconic predecessor, with over-CGI’d mutant baboons, “sharks in the Colosseum” (yes, really), and a Paul Mescal who feels like he was forced into gladiator cosplay for a history class reenactment.
Don’t get me wrong: An Evil Denzel Washington is an absolute chef’s kiss here. He chews the scenery with such gusto that he practically carries the entire empire—and the movie—on his shoulders. Without him? Well, this might’ve been unwatchable. Paul Mescal tries, bless his gladiator-sized heart, but he’s hampered by awkward politics, clunky flashbacks, and a forced accent that screams “someone let me be Irish again!”
This sequel screams nostalgia bait, shamelessly rehashing scenes from the original but slapping on a flashback filter like that makes it profound. Instead of crafting something fresh, it leans too heavily on “remember this?” vibes. And don’t even get me started on the over-serious tone—it’s a movie where rhinos rampage in the Colosseum! Lean into the nonsense, Ridley!
While I didn’t hate it, I left disappointed. Gladiator II had the ingredients for an entertaining, campy epic but somehow took itself way too seriously for a film about mutant baboons in Roman Milton Keynes. It’s like watching someone trip over their own sandals while trying to salute Caesar.
Final verdict? Watch
it for Denzel and the unintentional laughs. But otherwise, just rewatch
the original, yell “ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?” and pretend this sequel
never happened.
Comments